I only wish that I had known sooner the longing of God's heart for me and not only for me but for every person that walks this earth.

I grew up as the middle of three brothers in the fairly conservative environment of Trinidad. One of the things that marked that environment was church attendance. It is with few fond memories that I remember being awakened early on Sunday mornings to prepare to go to a church service. I remember comforting myself with the thought that soon I would be old enough to decide not to endure that habit any longer.

After I graduated from high school, I moved to Boston primarily to attend the Boston Conservatory, studying classical Trumpet performance. I wanted to be a mix of Wynton Marsalis (his classical side) and Maurice Andre (my childhood trumpet hero). Truth be told, I also was excited to be in Boston because of the opportunity to experience snow for the first time in my life!

Nothing could have prepared me for the whirlwind that was to be called my freshman year. Between the intensity of the training and the stress of being in the all-together new culture of Boston and specifically the conservatory, I was shell-shocked within a couple of months. This was definitely not going the way that I had envisioned. I distinctly remember coming to my room after a day filled with classes and endless practice, and literally flopping on to my bed in tears and breathing out wearily, God I need you. To this day, I don't know how those words came out of my mouth. Perhaps they were merely the words of a frustrated, lonely and discouraged person. Whatever they were, I was being honest. I had simply come to the end of myself.

Two weeks later, I received a letter from my older brother, Mphatso (pronounced Mmm-patso). In it he described how his life was being transformed by a growing relationship with God for the first time in his life. He explained that he had surrendered his life to God, believing that God's son, Jesus Christ, had made it possible for him to have a relationship with God. You can imagine my reaction. Wasn't this the same guy that tried again and again (very unsuccessfully) to convince my mother that we didn't need religion? As I read his letter a few more times though, I could tell that he was not speaking of religion but a relationship with God. I must confess that as good as that sounded, I did write Mphatso back saying I was glad for him but I was all "set" (I was becoming a true Bostonian already! Sniff, sniff!!).

It did not seem like too much longer, when I got another letter from my baby brother, Johnathan. The details of his story were different but the outcome was the same as Mphatso. I couldn't ignore both "credible witnesses" in my life plus the little voice within me that if there was a God out there, I wanted to know Him. Over the following year it became increasingly clear to me that I was not interested in mere religious activity (been there, done that!). I simply wanted to know God as He knows me and then to help others do the same. To this day, that is the consuming passion of my life.

- Makhonyola

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